


these nights (they control me)

by seungbinlix



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Character Death, Depression, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jisung is kinda rude, M/M, Mourning, Only Kinda Tho, Past Relationships, Strangers to Lovers, Thats okay Minho still loves him, chan is whipped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-02 02:03:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21153761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seungbinlix/pseuds/seungbinlix
Summary: “So, how do you really know our waiter?” Changbin asks casually.Jisung quirks an eyebrow, “I already told you.”“Yeah, but keep in mind that I have known you since you were six, so I think I would know when you’re lying.” He says through a mouthful of food.“I’m not lying, we really did bump into each other.” If bumping into each other means him ripping me off a ledge before I fell to my death and slammed into him then yeah, we bumped into each other, Jisung thinks.or alternatively; Minho is at the right place at the right time.





	these nights (they control me)

**Author's Note:**

> [1] hi! thanks for giving this fic a chance, it's kinda my baby and I'm posting it for Minho's birthday as a late present, so it has even more special meaning to me. Happy birthday Minho!
> 
> [2] TW for Mentions of Suicide and Major Character Death, if you're uncomfortable by these, I highly suggest finding another fic to read.
> 
> [3] this is also marvelously unbeta'd, so sorry for mistakes.
> 
> [4] Finally, I dedicate this fic to my favorite girls, a & s. If it wasn't for them I doubt I would've ever finished this. You guys were apart of this fic as much as I was, and I thank you so much for pushing me to finally finish and publish. This is for you guys<3

The rooftop is air hits him immediately as he opens the door. 

It feels nice on his warm cheeks. Jisung is a little drunk, not enough to not know what he’s doing, but enough to give him the courage to. He walks over to the table and sets his keys, wallet on it, placing the envelope under his phone. His chicken scratch on the top of it reads _ To Chan and Changbin, please forgive me. _He sighs and stumbles over to the ledge of the apartment building. Seoul looks beautiful at night, lights bright and nightlife in full bloom. Yeah, he’ll miss this. 

It takes a minute to actually get on the ledge, his buzzed state makes his legs tremble as he stands up on it. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, _ this is it _, he thinks. He doesn’t look down because he knows if he does he won’t go through with it. He’s about to step off when he faintly hears a song from the convenience store below that he remembers Chan playing on repeat when it came out. 

Momentarily distracted, he doesn’t hear the rooftop door open but he does hear the screech from behind him.

Scaring him out of his memory, his eyes widen and he accidently looks down. _ Fuck, I’m high up. _Jisung thinks. Suddenly, he’s losing his balance. His arms flailing everywhere to regain his balance. He’s about to fall forward when he feels a warm hand gripping his shoulder with all its strength and ripping him back. 

He falls back into the body and they both crash onto the concrete rooftop. There’s silence and all you can hear is heavy breathing from both of the people on the building. 

Once Jisung finally calms down, he glares at his savior. “What the hell did you do that for!” He yells.

The person flinches at his sudden outburst. It’s another boy who saved him. They look around the same age, Jisung thinks. The boy shoots him a glare, “I just saved your life!” He yells back.

“I didn’t ask you to do that, did I?” Jisung spits. The boy quiets down.

“I thought you were just drunk and didn’t know what you were doing,” He whispers. “you wanted to fall off?” 

Silently, Jisung looks at the table where his things are. The boy also looks, understanding written on his features, and a hint of sadness. Jisung feels uncomfortable. Distantly, a car horn honks, and people from the street below laugh loudly. 

Eventually, Jisung stands up, collects his things from the table, and moves to exit the rooftop. 

“Wait!” The boy yells, before Jisung can open the door. He looks back with a raised eyebrow. “I’m Minho..” He trails off. Jisung snorts.

“I don’t fucking care. To me you’re just the guy who took away my one chance at finally being at peace. Next time, just leave me the fuck alone.” He snarls. The boy’s eyes fill with tears and Jisung opens the rooftop door and slams it shut.

\--

Chan and Changbin come over the next day. They’re blissfully unaware of what transpired the night before, and Jisung would like to keep it that way. 

Surprisingly, they all don’t have work today. It’s a rare event, and on these rare days they tend to spend the whole day lazing around doing nothing. Which they had since noon, until Chan suddenly exclaimed that he wants to treat them to a nice meal. Jisung is suspicious.

“Hyung, no offence, but you’re broke as shit. Why are you treating us?” Jisung asks, Chan just laughs.

“What I can’t treat my favorite dongsaengs to lunch?” He says and Changbin raises an eyebrow. 

“You barely have any friends, so by default we’re your favorite. Be honest, are we going to that restaurant with the guy?” Changbin asks and Chan flushes. Jisung looks at both of them confused.

“I think you’re forgetting about my darling son, Jeongin, who I love more than you two combined.” Chan replies.

“What restaurant?” Jisung cuts in. 

“It’s a restaurant where Chan’s future husband works.” Changbin answers and Chan whines.

“Please can we go, I have been busy all week and haven’t been able to go. This is my only free day!” He begs and the younger ones roll their eyes. 

“You’re pathetic Hyung, but as long as you’re paying, we’ll go.” Changbin claps him on the shoulder and Chan instantly brightens.

“Alright let’s go!” He says happily, ushering all of them out of Jisung’s apartment. 

They get in Chan’s car and a familiar tune filters out of the speakers. It’s the song Jisung heard last night during the incident, he instantly feels sick.

“Can you change the song?” He asks.

“Why? You know I love this song.” Chan says.

“Yeah but you play it on repeat and it got old.” Jisung lies, almost smoothly. Well if him rubbing his hands against his jeans isn’t an indication that he’s anxious while lying, Chan says nothing and changes the song. 

The rest of the car ride is filled with Chan and Changbin arguing about whether or not Chan’s crush, Seongwoo and the owner of the restaurant they're currently going to, actually knows who he is.

“He said hi that one time!” Chan defends and Changbin snorts.

“He’s the owner, he kinda has to do that.” 

Chan pouts. “Maybe I’ll introduce myself today.” 

“As if, last time we went he smiled at you and you were a stuttering mess. Poor man was scared you were having a stroke.” 

“It’s not my fault! He’s just so gorgeous.” Chan says dreamily and Jisung groans. 

“Chan, if you manage to have a decent convo with him without completely messing up, I will pay for this meal.” Jisung proclaims. Changbin laughs out loud.

“Looks like Chan is still gonna be paying.” 

“Hey!” 

They pull up to the restaurant, Chan yelling after Changbin and Jisung as they laugh out loud at his misery. 

They find a table in the middle of the restaurant, it’s decently busy for a Tuesday at 8pm. Chan is eagerly looking around for Seongwoo, but upon not seeing him, he visibly deflates and looks over the menu. Changbin pats him comfortingly on the back.

“Maybe it’s his off day.” Jisung offers weakly. 

“Yeah, maybe.” 

They look over the menu for a while before finally deciding what they will order. They haven’t seen a waiter or waitress yet, which is a bit odd, considering they usually tend to customers pretty quickly. Jisung peers around Changbin to see the waitstaff setting up what seems to be a makeshift mic stand and speaker system. He points to them.

“Are any of them Seongwoo?” He asks. Chan whips his head around and instantly brightens. Seongwoo is there in all his glory, looking effortlessly gorgeous and tapping on the mic to test it. He briefly looks up and makes eye contact with their table. He grins and gives them all a little wave, which Changbin and Jisung return, while Chan hides his face in a menu.

Changbin rips the menu away from him. “Don’t be like that, you’re a grown man.” He hisses and directs their attention back to Seongwoo. He went back to testing the speakers, and soon his smooth voice flows through the restaurant. 

“Hi everyone, welcome! Today, we’re going to try and start doing open mic nights on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Since I’m just announcing it now, we don’t really have anyone lined up just yet,” He rubs the back of his neck embarrassed, Chan coos. “So I’m going to be the first performer, if it sucks, sorry in advance.” The restaurant laughs. Chan looks like he’s having a heart attack. 

“He’s going to sing. Does he know singing is my weakness. I think I’m going to faint.” He babbles and Jisung shushes him.

“He’s starting.” 

That same tune of Chan’s current favorite song and Jisung’s most detested song flows through the speakers and Chan beams. 

“We have the same taste!” He exclaims at the same time Jisung says, “I can’t escape this song can I?” Seongwoo takes a deep breath and starts,

“He tell me, "Settle down," what does it all mean? Anything you want, baby, give it all to me.” Seongwoo sings smoothly and Chan swoons. “I can be your baby tonight, You can be my baby, alright” This line he sings and looks directly into Chan’s eyes. He flushes but doesn’t break eye contact. 

“Did he change the words to fit Chan?” Jisung squints, trying to remember the original lyrics. Changbin looks impressed.

“I guess he does know you hyung.” 

Seongwoo continues the song, the entire restaurant has stopped eating to listen to his voice. “These nights, these nights, yeah, they control me, you control me, yeah.” He finishes the song and everyone begins to clap. He bows and announces he will take a 2 minute break. At this point everyone begins gushing over the owners voice and Chan looks like the happiest boy alive.

“He was singing to me right? Or am I deranged?” Chan asks. 

“You’re deranged.” Jisung and Changbin say in unison, then proceed to high five each other. 

“Come one guys, support me.” He whines and they roll their eyes.

“Yes he sang to you.” Jisung admits. “Maybe he found your idiocy charming.” 

“You really think so?” Chan hopes. At this point their waiter finally comes to their table. “Hi, welcome guys, what can I-” The boy abruptly stops and Jisung looks up at him. It’s the same boy who may have saved his life last night. _ Shit, _he thinks and quickly averts his eyes. The boy, Minho hesitates for a second, before flashing them a forced smile. “Sorry about that, what can I get you?” He smiles at their table. 

Chan and Changbin look at each other before quickly giving Minho their order. He’s walking away to go input it in the computer when they turn to Jisung confused.

“Do you know him?” Chan asks. Jisung shrugs.

“Just some random guy I met in passing, didn’t really talk to him that much.” He lies. They both narrow their eyes at him and Jisung starts sweating a bit, worried they caught him in a lie. Thankfully, Seongwoo's voice comes through the speakers again and they all turn their attention back to him. 

\--

When their food comes to their table, Minho doesn’t bring it. If Chan and Changbin think that’s weird, they don’t let it show. Seongwoo stopped singing after about 5 songs (all love songs of course) and the lively chatter seems to have increased since. 

“I’m just saying, him singing 5 love songs while staring in your eyes is kinda suspicious.” Changbin raises his hands in surrender. 

“Do you think I should talk to him?” Chan bites his lip. Jisung groans.

“Yes hyung, please go talk to him before I go and drag him over here myself.” Jisung says, stabbing at his beef. “Lucky for you he’s standing right over there, so I give you until the count of three-” Jisung doesn’t even finish his sentence before the loud scraping of Chan’s chair is heard, and he’s stomping over to Seongwoo, determination in his step. Jisung and Changbin cheer loudly, finally happy their hyung is making a move. 

“So, how do you really know our waiter?” Changbin asks casually, once they see Chan, red faced but confidently speaking to Seongwoo, who also happens to be equally as red faced. 

Jisung quirks an eyebrow, “I already told you.”

“Yeah, but keep in mind that I have known you since you were six, so I think I would know when you’re lying.” He says through a mouthful of food.

“I’m not lying, we really did bump into each other.” _ If bumping into each other means him ripping me off a ledge before I fell to my death and slammed into him then yeah, we bumped into each other, _Jisung thinks. Changbin just hums and they continue their dinner in silence. 

Chan comes back a couple of minutes later with stars in his eyes, “We’re going on a date.” He announces, a stupid smile on his face. 

“For real? That’s awesome dude!” Changbin side hugs him, “But that kinda sucks for Jisung though.” 

Jisung narrows his eyes, “Why?”

Changbin smirks, “Cause now you have to pay for dinner.”

\--

He gets home pretty late. It’s close to midnight, they had stayed just to talk about life and when the next time they could all meet up would be. Three weeks from them seemed to be the only opening, it sucked but they take what they can get.

(Jisung wonders if they would still meet up if he was gone, but he doesn’t dwell on it for too long.)

The stupid elevator in his apartment has stopped working for the fifth time this month. Meaning Jisung has to walk up six flights of stairs to his apartment. He’s so tired he just wants to sleep but of course, life isn’t that easy. 

He starts to walk up the stairs, halfway up the first flight the door to the staircase clicks open again, he briefly glances down at the newcomer and groans. 

Of course, it’s Minho. 

Minho looks up at him a bit nervous, biting his lip. Jisung speaks up, “Are you following me or something?” 

Shocked, Minho sputters out, “I live here too you know!” Huh, that never really occurred to Jisung, makes sense considering he was on the roof the night before. He shrugs.

“Whatever.” He continues up the stairs, he thinks that’s the end of it when suddenly he hears rapid footsteps going up the stairs and then Minho is next to him. 

“Dude, can’t you take a hint?” He says, frustratingly, “I do not want to talk to you.” 

“Then don’t talk, we’re just going to our apartments aren’t we? Let’s walk then.” Minho replies, taking the steps two at a time. Jisung, despite feeling the need to just turn around and let Minho go ahead without him, scrambles to catch up. 

They both live on the same floor, Jisung has no idea how he didn’t know this. He doesn’t really talk to his neighbors or leave his apartment except for work and classes, but he still has pretty much seen his neighbors at some point. The old ladies live at one end of the hallway, the family of three next to them, then Jisung, and three other separate apartment owners. But alas, Minho walks down the hallway and begins to enter 204, Jisung just stares. 

“Aren’t you going in?” Minho asks.

“You live in Felix’s apartment.” Jisung he says dumbly. Minho raises an eyebrow. 

“Um, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who lives here,” He says awkwardly. 

“No, his old apartment.” Jisung replies, closing his eyes to prevent the onslaught of tears threatening to spill. Felix is Chan’s cousin and Changbin’s boyfriend, or at least was. He passed in a car accident about a year prior. Felix had been Jisung’s best friend for three years. They went through everything together. Sleepless nights cramming for exams, heartfelt conversations about their hopes and dreams, and late night runs to the convenience store downstairs.

Felix was a dreamer, spouting ideas about how their group of friends was going to make something of themselves. Chan, Changbin and Jisung becoming a famous rap group and Felix becoming a choreographer for a big agency. Jisung had just laughed and indulged him, it was so easy to dream when Felix was encouraging it. 

Chan, Changbin and Jisung had to clean out his apartment, since Felix’s parents were still in Australia, and they had asked them to send Felix’s things back to them and to join them for the funeral the next week. When no one was looking, Jisung quickly swiped up a photo of all of them Felix kept by his bedside. It now resided next to Jisung’s, in his apartment. 

It had been a long year.

“Oh, did he move out or something?” Minho asked, intrigued that Jisung was talking to him in a non threatening manner. 

Jisung laughed bitterly, “Yeah, or something.” They both fell silent, clearly something being left unsaid in the air. 

Not wanting to reminisce in front of Minho, Jisung turned and walked back to his own apartment, not sparing Minho another glance. Just as the apartment door clicked shut behind him he swore he heard a “goodnight” from a couple of doors down.

\--

[_ new message[s] to, ‘is this thing on’ _]

channie hyung: the date went so well!!

changbinnie hyung: congrats bro

sungie: yeah congrats but did he think it went well

channie hyung: well considering he came up to my apartment after, i would assume so

changbinnie hyung: holy shit

changbinnie hyung: hyung you got game ngl 

sungie: didnt know you had it in ya

channie hyung: he came up for coffee!! get ur heads out of the gutter

sungie: ur a loser

changbinnie hyung: we shouldve known better sungie

sungie: yeah idk why we tht he would actually get dicked down on the first date

changbinnie hyung: being realistic here hyung has never gotten dicked down before so maybe we were being too generous

sungie: chan hyung be like: virginity rocks!

[_ channie hyung has left the chat _]

\--

He doesn’t see Minho for another week, which is completely fine with Jisung, more than fine really. He goes to class on Monday, Wednesday, Friday when he feels up to it, and really only leaves his apartment to go grab food from downstairs. Other than that he just lays in bed all day. 

It’s ten pm and his stomach is making a fuss because he hasn’t had anything to eat in, he checks the clock, almost twenty four hours, yeah maybe it’s time to eat something. 

He rolls out of bed and doesn’t even bother to change out of his pyjamas, just grabbing his wallet and keys and making the descent down the stairs to the convenience store. 

The bells chime as he walks in and he nods to Sana manning the cash register, she glances up and smiles then immediately goes back to scrolling on her phone.

He’s looking over the different flavors of ramen when a voice breaks through the music playing from the speakers in the store, “The spicy beef is really good.” 

Jisung jumps and glares over at the voice. Minho is innocently looking at the different bags of chips, before deciding he doesn’t want any, and blinks at Jisung. 

Jisung doesn’t say anything, but makes a point to grab the mild chicken flavor. Take that, stalker. 

Minho pouts at him, Jisung can’t help but admit he does kinda look cute, not that he would say that out loud. “Come on, how long are you going to be mad at me?” He asks. 

Jisung shrugs, “Who said I was mad at you?” 

Minho scoffs, “Your behavior toward me since the roof incident.” Jisung jerks his head up, quickly glancing at Sana, who is still not paying attention, and looks back at Minho.

“You can’t just mention that.” Jisung whisper hisses. Minho cocks his head. 

“If you had gone through with it, it wouldn’t have really mattered, would it?” Minho challenges. Jisung just turns around, slaps money on the counter to Sana, startling her out of her scrolling, and walks out of the store. 

He’s about to walk past the tables outside of the convenience store when there’s a gentle tug on his arm. He doesn’t even bother looking back.

“Wait, I’m sorry.” Minho mumbles. “Please stay? Just for a few-” Jisung pauses and with a sigh, sits down at one of the tables. Minho smiles softly, and sits across from him.

It’s awkward to say the least, what do you say to the person who saved your life when you didn’t want them to?.

“I won’t apologize for saving you,” Minho starts, “no one deserves to die like that.” 

“Yeah, and what would you know about it exactly?” Jisung rolls his eyes. He’s kinda sick of Minho assuming things about him. Minho smiles a little but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“My mom, she did the same thing when I was ten, unfortunately, there wasn’t a random stranger to pull her back before she fell. I think I saved you out of my own selfishness, to make up for not being able to save her.” He looks down at his lap. Jisung stills and says nothing. “I see how your friends look at you, like you hung the moon, it’s exactly how I used to look at her. So I won’t apologize for saving you, because no one deserves to die like that, and no one deserves to have to go through the aftermath.” He finishes. 

Jisung really has no clue what to say, Minho just laid out his past for him and he’s completely shell-shocked. Minho just sighs, and begins to stand up, but this time it’s Jisung pulling him back down.

“Felix was my best friend.” He says, tears already springing in his eyes. “He died almost a year ago, car accident. It was my fault, I distracted him and he didn’t see the red light before we got T-boned. The aftermath was terrible, my friends and I had to clean out his apartment and no one has lived there since you moved in. It was kinda like a shrine to him in some way, so I got a bit frustrated seeing as you took over his place…” Jisung trails off, not really knowing where to go with the story. As nice as it is to explain himself, he can’t or won’t really, give out all the details of the past year.

Minho reaches a hand out and grabs Jisung’s, he flinches a little but doesn’t pull away. “There is no way that is your fault. Anything could’ve been the cause, but it wasn’t you, it could never be you.” He says softly. Jisung looks away and wipes at his eyes roughly. 

It’s silent for a few beats, “Sometimes I feel like it’s my fault my mom did it,” Minho says. “But then I remember I was ten so there wasn’t much I could’ve done to warrant that reaction.” Despite the morbid undertones, Jisung chokes out a laugh.

“We’re a pair of messes aren't we?” He breathes out.

Minho just grins at him. 

\-- 

Their relationship shifts a bit after that night, and Jisung isn’t sure if it’s a good or bad thing. He really hasn’t let anyone befriended him since Felix passed, so he’s a bit wary. He doesn’t even remember how to make friends really, luckily, Minho makes that part easy.

It starts with greetings when Jisung comes home from work or school. Minho somehow is always either leaving or getting home at the same time Jisung is. They greet each other but beyond that, nothing.

It’s unsettling to say the least. 

Then he sees him as he’s getting his mail from downstairs. He goes and picks it up everyday around seven and Minho is always there, seemingly waiting for him.

“Hey neighbor.” He greets and Jisung grunts at him in response (he had just woken up from a nap so cut him some slack) and Minho just giggles at him. “Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” He teases. 

“Yeah, Chan hyung told me to cut my nap hours down to three instead of six so it’s kinda messing up my internal rhythm.” He says, jamming the key into his mailbox and blankly going through it. Minho hums in acknowledgment. 

“Chan-ssi is the one seeing Seongwoo hyung right?” He squints, trying to remember. Jisung nods. 

“Yeah, must be going on two weeks now.” He supplies. The conversation drops off there, both of them just awkwardly looking at each other, trying to find something to draw out the conversation. 

“Well I’m gonna go.” Jisung starts walking out of the mail room when Minho calls after him.

“Wait!” He pauses. “Do you want to come over? I can make food and we can just hang out.” His cheeks tinged pink. Jisung frowns.

“Ah I would, but my friend Jeongin is coming over tonight. Rain check?” Minho visibly deflates, but Jisung pretends not to notice. 

“Yeah, rain check.” He mumbles. They part ways after that.

\--

“As much as appreciate the sentiment, you really missed out on a date with a hot guy to tutor me? That’s kinda sick, hyung.” Jeongin says through a mouthful of chinese food. Jisung had just finished telling him about Minho, leaving obvious parts out of the story.

“Close your mouth, and anyway, is that really all you got from the story? You’re useless!” Jisung flings himself back on the couch with a sigh.

“Well he is hot isn’t he? Or else you wouldn’t be agonizing over it.” Jeongin rolls his eyes.

“He just looked so sad that I said no! We barely have a friendship to begin with, what if I ruined it already?”

“Hyung, if one rejection to hang out makes him not want to be friends with you anymore, maybe it’s for the best.” Jeongin jabs him with his chopsticks and Jisung yelps. “If you’re so worried why not ask him to hang out soon and see what he says? I really doubt you ruined anything.”

“Yeah maybe, I just feel bad. I owe him my life.” Jisung says not thinking. Jeongin raises an eyebrow. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Jisung freezes. He needs to come up with an excuse fast, or else Jeongin will tell Chan what happened then he’ll tell Changbin and then they will be so disappointed in him and he can’t let that happen.

“Nothing, he just helped me pass a class once, really saved my ass.” He says quickly. Jeongin looks unconvinced but lets it slide for the time being.

“Then just ask him to hang out and if he says no then screw him, if he’s missing out on a great friend.” Jeongin says, earnestly. Jisung coos.

“Aw our baby, who knew you could be this sweet?” Jisung tickles under Jeongin’s chin and he slaps his hand away.

“I lied you’re a menace, maybe I should’ve asked Seungmin hyung for help instead.”

“No! I’m the only one who can help you. Seungmin doesn’t even have this class.”

“Seungmin hyung knows everything.” Jeongin says blankly. Well he has a point there.

“Yes but we have this class together therefore I have first dibs.” Jisung says triumphantly. Jeongin rolls his eyes.

“In that case, help me with this history homework before I fail this class again.”

\--

True to his word, Jisung really does try to invite Minho to hang out, the only problem is that Minho seems to be making an extra effort to avoid him. 

He hasn’t seen the older boy at all in a couple of days, a big change from seeing him virtually everyday. He can’t even contact him through the phone because there was never a time in their brief meetings to exchange numbers. 

It’s frustrating really.

It’s so frustrating that it occupies Jisung’s thoughts all the time. When he’s in class he thinks about it. When he’s trying to study he thinks about it. When he’s trying to sleep he thinks about it. Minho is occupying his thoughts 24/7 and he’s kinda sick of it. 

And because he’s so sick of it, he marches up to Minho’s apartment door and knocks. 

The door immediately swings open, which takes Jisung by surprise, Minho mirroring the same expression Jisung has for a second, before his lips curl into a smirk.

“Howdy, neighbor.” 

Jisung glares, “Are you avoiding me?” Straight to the point was always Jisung’s forte.

Minho tilts his head confused. “No? Why?”

“I haven’t seen you around. Which is weird because I see you everywhere.” Jisung says. Minho has the decency to look at least a bit guilty.

“Ah, sorry. I’ve been practicing for my dance showcase all week so I haven’t really been ho- Wait-” The smirk is back, “Did you miss me Jisungie?” 

Changbin and Chan have called him that on multiple occasions, so it really should be normal to hear. But hearing it from Minho, causes him to go bright red.

“Of course not! After seeing you for days and then not was weird, it threw me off.” Jisung looks away. Minho coos,

“Aw don’t be like that! Come in, I was just about to eat dinner.” He says, not even letting Jisung answer before he pulls him in. 

Minho’s apartment is simple, but cozy. The kitchen is fully stocked, a tv against the wall and a bookcase above it, the living room with a couch and two large armchairs, and sitting on one of the air chairs, is a beautiful cat.

Not sparing the rest of the room a glance, Jisung rushes over the kitty, immediately scooping it into his arms. It meows constantly and nuzzles into Jisung’s chin.

“Wow I’m impressed, she hates everyone she meets. She doesn’t even like Hyunjin after knowing him for a year.” Minho’s voice floats in from the kitchen. 

“Yeah, I have that effect on things.” He says, stroking her fur. He’s so engrossed he doesn’t hear Minho say, ‘yeah you really do.’

\--

Minho sets them up at his coffee table, a pot of ramen and two coke cans in front of them. Jisung thanks him for the meal and they both dig in.

“Wait, whos Hyunjin?” Jisung asks, after a quiet spell.

“He’s my best friend, we dance together.” Minho replies, slurping his noodles up.

“You’re a dancer?”

“Was it not obvious when I said I was preparing for my dance showcase?” Minho laughs.

Jisung flushes, “I didn’t really process it.” 

“That’s okay,” Minho waves him off, “but yes, I’ve been dancing since I was fifteen. My mom was a dancer and I loved seeing her dance when I was young. So I decided to do it too.” 

Jisung absorbs the information, “What about your dad?” 

Minho tilts his head, “What about him?” 

“Is he like, around?” Jisung tries to ask cautiously.

“Hm, if you’re asking if he’s still alive, then yes. We aren’t really that close, but he’s rich, thus explaining why I have all of this,” He gestures to his apartment. “All he asked of me was to live my life, so here I am.” He finishes.

Jisung snorts, “He couldn’t pay for an apartment in a building with a working elevator?” 

Minho shrugs, “To be fair, it worked when I moved in.” 

This thought bring Jisung back to reality. Minho moved into this apartment, which also happened to be Felix’s old one. 

He looks around and suddenly the memories come back. Felix and Changbin cooking, while Chan and Jisung worked on music. Felix singing at the top of his lungs to whatever song they had flowing through his speaker. The late night talks and cuddles while Jisung cried over his anxiety in Felix’s arms. It was all too real.

Minho noticing Jisungs discomfort, hesitantly lays a hand over his. “Are you okay?” 

Jisung nods, throat suddenly feeling dry. “Yeah, I’m okay.” He lies, obviously. 

“It’s okay not to be. Sorry I forgot he lived here, I should’ve asked before pulling you in.” He looks guilty, and Jisung feels bad. 

“Don’t be sorry, it’s just a lot. I haven’t been here in a year. It’s different, not bad, just different.” He reassures him and Minho perks up a bit.

“Just let me know if you wanna leave okay. It won’t bother me.” Minho says, Jisung’s heart warms.

“Are you free Wednesday?” He blurts out. Minho’s eyes widen before he thinks for a second.

“I should be, why?”

“My friends, come hang out with us. They’re nice and I want you to meet them.” 

Minho squints his eyes, “Why?”

“Come on,” Jisung whines, “Just come okay?” Minho giggles and nods his head.

“Okay, but only if I can invite my friend Hyunjin.” He counters. 

“Whatever makes you most comfortable.” Jisung agrees. 

“Alright it’s an outing then.” He slurps his soup up. “So what’s your major?”

“Graphic design. I want to design concepts for idol groups.” Jisung answers.

“Wow, I have never met someone who was going to do that. To be honest I thought you were going to say something boring, like psychology or something.” 

“Psychology is so cliche, I would absolutely hate that. Wait, do I seem boring to you?” Jisung pouts.

Minho shakes his head, “No, but a lot of people play it safe with careers at this school. I’ve been waiting for someone who is different.” He jokes.

“Well I think I’m pretty special.” Jisung replies, smiling cheekily.

“Yeah you are.” 

\--

Being completely honest, Jisung was very nervous about Minho meeting Chan and Changbin. Technically they had already met, but he was serving them and now he would be sitting and conversing with them. He did not know how it was going to work out. So he was very nervous.

They all sit at a table at Seongwoo's restaurant, per Chan’s request of course.

(“Really, we’re hanging out at my place of employment?” “Shut up.”)

Hyunjin, Minho’s best friend who is probably equally as gorgeous as him, sits next to Minho, he’s a little quiet Jisung noticed in the car ride over, but he’s making an effort at least. 

After pleasantries are exchanged, Seongwoo waltzes over to their table, Chan immediately brightening. 

“Hi.” He breathes out, Seongwoo smiles at him and leans over to kiss his cheek briefly. The entire table cringes and Chan’s face burns. 

“I just lost my appetite.” Jisung complains and Minho hits his shoulder playfully. 

“They’re cute.” He argues and Changbin gives him a side eye.

“Personally, after having to hear Chan gush over him for months, it’s gross now.” He says rolling his eyes.

Seongwoo turns to Chan, “You liked me for months?” He questions.

“Anyway!” Chan exclaims, trying to change the conversation, “Lets order shall we?”

The rest of the dinner is seamless. It’s weird how well Minho fits their friend group. He cracks jokes and is as dramatic as Chan is, and is able to keep up and bicker with Changbin when necessary, Hyunjin comes out of his shell, also making fun of Changbin despite not knowing him for long. Jisung is able to laugh easily, it’s a nice feeling.

It’s like Minho was always meant to be there. It makes Jisung a little nervous. The Felix sized whole in their hearts can never be filled by Minho and Hyunjin, but maybe they can make room for them to move in as well.

They start eating when suddenly, Jisung hears a, “Hyungs!” from behind him. 

Jeongin and Seungmin are walking toward them, faces flushed from the cold outside. 

“Innie baby!” Chan exclaims,standing up and pulling him into a warm hug, “How are you?” 

Jeongin giggles and welcomes the contact, “Really good, hyung! Seungmin hyung and I came for some dinner, do you mind if we join you all?” He asks, biting his lip and looking over the two strange people he doesn’t recognize.

“Guys, this is Minho hyung and Hyunjin.” Jisung introduces them. Jeongin’s face curves into a sickenly sweet grin. Oh no.

“Oh so you’re Minho hyung! Jisung was right, you are hot.” He says cheekily and Jisung outright burns.

Minho quirks an eyebrow, “Oh did he say that now? I’m flattered. Nice to meet you Jeongin, you as well Seungmin.” He smiles warmly at them. Hyunjin greets them both and soon they’re squeezing into either side of booth. 

“Jisung, who taught you to tutor people? Poor Jeongin was nearly failing his class.” Seungmin pipes up. 

“Jeongin! I thought I told you I was the only one who could tutor you!” Jisung throws his hands up in exasperation.

Jeongin doesn’t even have the gall to look apologetic, “You may be able to pass the class Hyung, but you’re horrible at teaching the material. Seungmin hyung was my only hope.” 

“How could you say that to me? Never ask me to beat a level for you in a video game ever again.” Jisung crosses his arms, trying to look as upset as possible.

“That’s okay, I’ll just ask Seungmin hyung to beat it for me!” He says happily, even taking food from Jisung’s plate and shoves in his mouth.

“When did our Jeonginnie turn into such a brat?” He wails and points an accusatory finger at Chan. “This is all your fault. All your babying made him ungrateful since you gave him everything.” 

“You act like Chan is my father.” Jeongin rolls his eyes.

“That’s because I am,” No one argues it. “and Jisung, he deserves the babying, have you seen his face?” To prove it Jeongin gives them all his perfect angel face, to the joy of everyone but Jisung. “Also if your tutoring isn’t working out, at least Jeongin told you before you ruin the grade of another student.” Chan shrugs. 

Jisung says nothing and crosses his arms and looks away. “Why is everyone against me?” The table erupts in laughter at his pettiness.

“Don’t worry Sungie, I’ll always be on your side.” Minho says warmly, placing his hand on Jisung’s leg in comfort. His face burns at the contact.

The rest of the night is filled with bickering and laughter. The group easily becomes accustomed to the newcomers and even Changbin looks comfortable with them. The night is a success, and Jisung can’t help but smile at the thought.

Minho just got done telling an outrageous story about a kite, a flock of birds and an eight year old Hyunjin. It has them all rolling in laughter as Hyunjin embarrassingly tries to defend his actions.

“Clearly I didn’t mean to hit them! I was innocently flying a kite, if anything they got in my way.” He defends which has the table laughing yet again as he and Seungmin debate who was really at fault.

In the midst of laughter, Minho leans over to Jisung, “Do you think they like us?” He whispers cheekily. 

Minho’s eyes shine brightly, slightly out of breath from laughing, the slope of his nose straight and perfect, his lips looking extra kissable. Jisung’s heart pounds, he may be a little in love with him. 

Soon the night ends, Seongwoo had been kind enough to offer them the food on the house. To which Chan and Minho protest,

(“I have to pay you’re my boyfriend!” “Hyung, can we afford to give out free food?”)

But he insists, and sends them on their way. Chan momentarily distracting Seongwoo while Minho slips 100,000 won into the cash register. Jisung can feel himself falling more.

It scares him, anything could happen and Minho could leave, never to appear again. But liking Minho feels like coming home to a warm blanket on a cold day. Like sunshine after a long winter. A hug on a bad day. Liking Minho feels safe, and Jisung can’t help but love the comfort.

When Jisung looks over at Minho from the driver’s seat, the city lights reflecting off his face, he realizes maybe he has been falling for Minho all along.

They don’t say anything when they drop off Hyunjin and Jisung reaches over and intertwines his and Minho’s fingers. They don’t say anything when they hold hands all the way up to Minho’s apartment. And they definitely don’t say anything when Minho kisses him on the cheek and slips into his apartment, leaving Jisung a blushing mess in the hallway.

\--

If Jisung thought the previous shift in their relationship was subtle, the new shift hit him like a ton of bricks. 

Minho started coming around a lot more. He would bring dinner over and they would watch whatever movie was on that night. If he needed to go to the store, he would ask Jisung to accompany him. 

If he was working late at the dance studio, he would not so subtly complain to Jisung, prompting him to immediately make the trip over (much to Minho’s glee) so he would be less lonely. 

Still Jisung doesn’t know exactly _ what _they are. 

Since that night in the hallway, they haven’t held hands or anything. Minho still makes jokes and makes Jisung blush like a madman, but still, that’s as far as it goes. It feels like they’re dating, but every time Jisung meets a new friend of Minho’s, he is always introduced as ‘_ my good friend _, jisung’. 

If he thought Minho was frustrating before, he was infuriating now. 

Currently, he was making his way to the dance studio for the fourth time that week, Minho’s late night practice doubled since his showcase was coming up. He had two sandwiches and water in his arms as he made his way into the building, nodding at Daniel who was manning the desk, looking dead tired as usual, and made his way to Minho’s practice room. 

Jisung could hear the beat pounding through the door before he had even opened it. There was Minho in his element, running through his routine for probably the 25th time that night. Jisung silently put all the food down on the ground and just opted to watch Minho dance instead of announcing his arrival. 

Minho’s eyes were closed, trying to remember all the moves without looking at himself during it. His limbs moved effortlessly to the beat, hitting it perfectly and flowing together. To an inexperienced dancer like Jisung, he would’ve said Minho was doing great, but the older had a frustrated look on his face.

He finished the dance and the room turned silent as the song ended. He breathed heavily for a second and then opened his eyes. 

He jumped a mile in the air once he saw Jisung in the mirror, just standing there, albeit kinda creepily in hindsight.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you,” Jisung rubs his neck, sheepishly. “I didn’t want to interrupt.” Minho is quiet for a second, the frustrated look from before completely disappearing, and a warm smile taking over his face. 

“It’s okay,” He whispers. “Thank you for coming.” He walks over to Jisung who’s sitting on the small couch in the room and plops down next to him. “What’s for dinner?” 

“Ah,” Jisung grabs for the discarded bag. “Sandwiches today,” Minho hums. “Is this considered breakfast since it’s two am?” He ponders. Minho gapes at him.

“It’s two am?!” He fumbles for his phone in his pocket and checks the time to see it is actually two thirty in the morning, he groans loudly. “I didn’t even realize, and you came all the way here at this hour, you’re a fool.” 

Jisung furrows his eyebrows at him, “How am I the fool, when you’re the one who was basically whining at the fact that you were all alone since Hyunjin left for a secret date and were _ starving-” _Minho claps a hand over Jisung’s mouth before he can continue. 

“Okay, okay. Maybe I did egg you on, but I didn’t think you would actually come at two in the morning.” 

“Why wouldn’t I? I would come at any time for you.” Jisung answers, sincerely. It’s silent for a bit, a red flush creeping up Minho’s neck.

“Whatever, loser.” Minho mumbles, taking a bite of his sandwich. Jisung just smiles and eats his own dinner, letting the comfortable silence take over, Minho’s quiet playlist playing over the speakers. 

The whole situation is so them, calming and natural. Very different to how they met, but they settled into this new routine, and Jisung loves every second of it, whether Minho thinks the same, he doesn’t know.

They both finish eating and just lay back on the couch. Jisung’s fingers twitch, itching to hold Minho’s so he does, and feels all his anxiety wash away when Minho gently squeezes his hand and intertwined their fingers.

“By the way, why did you look so mad doing the choreography earlier?” Jisung asks quietly, scared to break the calming atmosphere. 

Minho closes his eyes and sighs heavily, “It’s missing something, the choreography, my teacher told me earlier and I can’t get it out of my mind or figure out what to add, it’s the worst feeling.” 

Jisung absentmindedly starts rubbing his thumb over Minho’s knuckles. “I don’t know much about dancing, but I’m sure whatever you’re looking for doesn’t need to be figured out tonight. You’re exhausted and I’m sure it’s hindering you finding what to add. Come on and let’s go home before it’s too late.” He says softly. 

Minho ponders it a bit and eventually agrees, “Just let me get cleaned up.” He mumbles and heads off to the bathroom. Ten minutes later he returns, huge pink sweater on, hair fluffy and his bag slung over his shoulder. “Okay, I’m ready.” He says sleepily and intertwines his fingers with Jisung’s again. 

Jisung grins at him and leads him out the door and out to the streets of Seoul, freshly wet from rain that had just come down. 

Minho splashes into a puddle, soaking both of their pants and giggling wildly, Jisung can’t help but laugh too, and jumps into the puddle with him, hands still clasped together. 

Even if they aren’t dating, Jisung thinks it’s okay like this too, just being by Minho’s side, acting like kids at two thirty am splashing in the rain. It’s okay because this is where he’s happiest.

\--

“So are you and Minho hyung dating yet?” Changbin asks in between takes. They’re recording a new song to upload to their soundcloud.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jisung avoids the topic. Chan and Changbin both give each other a pointed look. 

“Jisung, it’s so obvious you both like each other, it’s almost as bad as Seongwoo and Chan hyung,” Changbin rolls his eyes, “why don’t you just admit you like each other and go out?” Jisung bites his lip and says nothing. He makes it sound so easy, but why does the thought of confessing to Minho make his heart pound?

“You don’t understand.” He answers a bit harshly, not Changbin but mostly at how hm and Minho have been dancing around each other for weeks with no progress. 

Changbin snorts, “I think I know a thing or two about confessing feelings.” 

Without thinking, Jisung snaps, “How could you know that when you haven’t dated anyone other than Felix?” 

The room grows quiet and Jisung immediately feels guilty. Chan looks between the both of them, trying to gauge their reactions. Jisung tearing up and Changbin looking blankly at him.

“I’m sorry, hyung. That was insensitive of me--” Jisung stats before being cut off by Changbin.

“I went on a date with Hyunjin.” He blurts out. Silence again. “Please don’t hate me.” Changbin pleads, burying his face in his hands. Jisung and Chan look at each other, before enveloping Changbin into their arms. 

“Changbin, we could never hate you for going on a date. If anything, we’re happy for you.” Chan says, stroking his hair. Sobs rack through Changbin’s body and Jisung rubs his back.

“Yeah hyung. We’re so happy that you’re getting back out there.” Jisung soothes.

“I loved Felix, I love Felix. When Hyunjin asked me out I felt bad rejecting him, so I said yes. We ended up having a great time. I didn’t even realize until I got home that I didn’t think of Felix once, how could I not think of the boy I loved at all?” Changbin says through tears, “How could I just forget him?”

“Changbin look at me.” Chan says sternly, startling both of them. “Going out with someone doesn’t mean you forget about Felix, your mind was just taken off of it. Felix would be so happy that you’re enjoying yourself. He knows you could never forget him, and we know that too. We just want you to be happy, and he would want that too.” He finishes and it brings an onslaught of new tears to Changbin’s cheeks. 

“Thank you, I love you guys so much.” He chokes out, squeezing onto them tightly. 

“Even if you think you’re forgetting him,” Jisung adds, “you could get something that reminds you of him to keep with you. So he will always be there, even if you’re having fun with Hyunjin, you still won’t ‘forget’.” He adds air quotes for emphasis. 

“Something to remember him by?” Changbin echoes, and Jisung nods. 

“Yeah like a necklace or a ring.” He helps. Changbin thinks for a moment. 

“That sounds like a good idea.”   


(The next time they see Changbin, with a proclamation that he and Hyunjin are taking things slow but it looks promising, and sprouting a new tattoo of Felix’s birthday on the inside of his forearm, his best friends can’t help but congratulate him.)

\--

All the Felix talk had gotten into Jisung’s head. He’s having a nightmare. Loud music, Jisung leaning over to show Felix something on his phone, a missed red light, a screech and then silence. Except the dream is on repeat and he can’t wake up.

Then it morphs into a reality he hadn’t seen, since he had immediately passed out when the car got hit. But now he can see their car, after flipping three times. Felix and Jisung both unconscious and dream Jisung peering in from the outside.

He doesn’t want to look. Doesn’t want to see Felix’s lifeless body, hanging down from where the car is currently upside down. Ambulance sirens approach from the distance, people giving orders to extract the boys as safely as possible. The words, _ the driver died on impact, the passenger is barely alive, _echoes through the dream and he wants so desperately to wake up to a world where Felix is okay and that this really is a nightmare. 

“This is real.” A voice comes from behind him. He turns around and Chan and Changbin are standing there, tear tracks on their faces. 

“You killed him.” Changbin accuses him. “This is all your fault.” 

“You knew what could happen, how could you ruin our lives like this!” Chan yells. 

“I’m sorry.” Jisung chokes out, “I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry won’t bring him back.” Changbin bites out, then they fade away.

Jisung then wakes up from his dream, breathing harshly and trying hard to stop his sobs. It was a nightmare, but it was also a reality. Felix is dead and it’s his fault. It has always been his fault. 

It’s three am and Jisung finds himself in front of Minho’s apartment. He’s shaking, tears in his eyes as he knocks urgently. After two minutes he’s about to give up when he hears shuffling and the door creaks open a bit.

“Jisung?” Minho opens the door wider, sleep overtaking his features. “Wh-”

“Tomorrow is one year since Felix died.” He stutters out and without missing a beat, Minho pulls him inside and shuts the door. 

He ushers him to the couch, a blanket and pillow thrown haphazardly, indicating Minho had opted to sleep on the couch than his own bed for the night. 

Without words, Minho walks over to the tv, turning on a random disney movie, walks over to the couch and gathers Jisung into his arms. The touch is well appreciated and Jisung melts.

They silently watch the movie for about forty minutes when Jisung finally speaks up. “I was in the hospital for two days after the accident. One broken arm and three broken ribs. That’s all I got, while Felix got his life taken from him. I still don’t know why I got to live, when Felix made everyone’s world go round without trying.”

Minho runs his hands through Jisung’s hair urging him to continue.

“When we went to Australia for the funeral, Chan hyung decided to stay. He took a leave of absence and didn’t come back until half way through the second semester. He said he got therapy and spent most of his time reconnecting with his family. It was some of the longest months of my life. It was selfish but I wished hyung would’ve comeback so we could all mourn together. If anything he dealt with it in the healthiest way, Changbin hyung and I however, that was different.”

At this point Jisung has his head buried in Minho’s chest, tears freely flowing, and Minho gently soothes him. 

“Every other week Changbin hyung and I had to pull each other out of whatever bar we found ourselves in. Then we would go back to either mine or his and just sob for hours, Changbin hyung especially. It sounds cheesy, but I really think Felix was his soulmate. They worked so well together and were so happy, I could never imagine losing someone I was in love with.” Jisung whimpers. 

“After that Changbin hyung disappeared for a month. I was so scared and lonely and angry. I had no idea where he could be, I was afraid something horrible happened to him. But I was also angry that he had just left along with Chan hyung at the worst time possible. Until he called me and told me he went home to his family, saying he needed to process things better. The feeling of loneliness I felt when both of them were gone, it never left. Changbin hyung came back toward the end of the semester, but it was different. He was more closed off, he hardly let anyone befriend him and hasn’t even thought about dating anyone since then. I think the part of him that could love another human being left along with Felix.” He whispers the last part, almost afraid to speak it into existence. 

“Everyone mourns differently,” Minho offers, Jisung pulls back a little to look at his face through blurry tears, “albeit some different than others, but I think you guys did the best with what you could. Chan and Changbin needed that time with their families, but you also needed them. It’s not selfish to want to mourn with them, you were all like your own little family. It’s understandable that you wanted them around.” 

Jisung blinks at him, “Even if I knew they would be better away from here?”

Minho nods, “Even then.” 

Jisung breathes in a shaky breath, “I was so depressed for months. I almost flunked out. I never went to class and never got out of bed for more than 5 minutes at a time. I felt like pure shit and the guilt of Felix’s death didn’t help. It wasn’t until Chan hyung came home and saw the state I was in that everything changed. He forced me up and into the shower and we talked for hours. He told me Felix wouldn’t want me to be like this, he would want me living my life, it helped a bit. I went to class more and barely scraped by. The feeling of loneliness never subsided. I don’t think anyone understood me like Felix did. Since it was nearing a year, the pain came back so much harder, that’s why I,” Jisung’s voice breaks, “well that's where we met.” 

Minho takes a second to absorb all the information Jisung just unloaded. It’s difficult. It’s part of a time where Minho wasn’t apart of their lives, but he still feels connected to Felix somehow, through the groups memories of him. 

It makes Minho tear up thinking about it. “I think Felix, would’ve wanted you to keep living. For him, at least. Maybe that’s why I ended up saving you.”

Jisung cracks a small smile, “Are you saying its fate that we met?”

Minho flushes, “Well, it does sound nice doesn’t it?” They both smile warmly at each other. Jisung’s eyes briefly flicker down to Minho’s lips. Wondering how nice they would feel. But he shakes the thought out of his head, _ not now, not like this. _

Jisung takes a deep breath in and buries his face into Minho’s chest again. He feels so warm and soft and the hand in his hair is making him start to drift off to sleep, the sound of Cinderella finally getting to be with her one true love playing idly in the background. 

(He won’t remember it in the morning but Minho does. Minho is about to fall asleep when Jisung mumbles out a, “Hyung,” Minho hums. “I’m so glad I met you. Thank you for saving me.”)

\--

[_ new message[s] to, ‘is this thing on’ _]

channie hyung: do you guys want to come over?

sungie: yes please

changbinnie hyung: yeah, i will pick up jisung and come over asap

channie hyung: ok ill get setup then 

\--

It’s the anniversary, it’s a hard day, to say the least. They visit Felix’s grave early in the morning. He had a grave in Australia and Korea. Chan, Changbin and Jisung putting money together to make a gravestone that read, _ Lee Felix, September 19th, 2000 - November 6th, 2018, among the stars, where he always dreamed. _ The sun is rising, it was Felix’s favorite time of day.

They all take their own personal time with Felix, one person talking to him while the other two stand a decent ways away. 

It’s Changbin’s turn, Chan having already gone and sharing how he and Seongwoo are together and how their soundcloud is finally taking off and everything in between. Jisung had opted to go last, as he wasn’t quite sure what to say.

“It’s not your fault you know,” Chan says, as they watch Changbin show Felix his knew tattoo proudly. “It will never be your fault, Changbin and I never believed it was, it was an accident. One that you didn’t cause, and shouldn’t shoulder the blame for. Most of all, I know Felix doesn’t think it’s your fault either, we all know you think it was you, but please believe us when we say it isn’t.” He breathes out, Jisung holds back tears, heart warmed by Chan’s words.

“I know, it’s just hard.” He says, Chan hums and pulls him into a side hug. They stay like that until Changbin is done talking to Felix, pressing his hand to gently grip onto the headstone before standing up and walking over to the group. 

“He’s all yours buddy.” Changbin softly smiles. Jisung nods and makes his way over. 

“Hey,” He says, kneeling on the ground. “you punk, how can you be away from us for so long? You know we can’t handle more than two hours without you.” He chuckles. “It’s been hard without you, you know. You must’ve seen how much we were struggling the past year. It must’ve hurt your heart, huh?”

“A lot has happened in the past month and a half. You probably saw what happened in September right? I was in such a bad place, I felt so alone and like the accident was all my fault, but it wasn’t really? It was an accident, plain and simple. At the time though, it really felt like it was. I’m not sure if it was you, but thank you for sending Minho hyung up to the roof that night. You saved me, along with him.” He inhales a shaky breath.

“I really like him,” He smiles then, “He’s just so perfect. He’s so sincere, funny, kind and gets along so well with us, and he even introduced us to Hyunjin, who is a great person. Now Jeongin and Seungmin are hanging out with us too. We all had dinner and wow it was one of the best times I’ve had in awhile, I just really wished you were there too.” 

“But it’s okay. We’re slowly getting better. Minho makes life interesting, and makes me feel something. I really think he makes my life better, god I hope he likes me.” Jisung full out laughs at this point. “Thank you Felix, so much, for everything. You will always be my best friend, and I know you will watch over us. I love you always, I really do.” 

\--

They spend the rest of the day at Chan’s. They eat dinner and curl up on the couch and watch Felix’s favorite movies. It doesn’t feel sad, nostalgic maybe, but not sad. They’re healing still, but he knows they will be okay, eventually. 

[_ new message from, minho hyung<3 _]

minho hyung<3: if you need to come over, feel free, ill be up

He gets back around three am, and true to his word, the light under Minho’s apartment door is shining. He doesn’t hesitate to knock, the door flying open three seconds later. 

Minho is there in all his glory, a halo surrounding his head from the light behind him, and soft smile on his lips, “Hey neighbor.” 

Jisung doesn’t say anything, just enters the apartment, door clicking shut behind him, kicking off his shoes and shrugs off his jacket. 

Then he turns around to Minho, who has a worried look on his face, presses him against the door and kisses him. 

It’s timid, Jisung not sure how Minho will react, but as Minho eases into the kiss and wraps his arms around Jisung’s neck, all the nerves melt away. 

They break away for air, foreheads resting against each other. “What was that for?” Minho asks, breathless. 

Jisung simply pulls away and leads Minho to his couch, sitting facing each other. 

“That day on the roof, I really though my life was going to end. To be honest, I was scared. Of what it would feel like, how people would react. I’m so grateful you pulled me off the ledge and that we met."

"I’m so sorry for pushing you away because, Minho you showed me that life is worth living, that there is so much more to life than how I was living it, with guilt and shame. I’m so grateful to you. And I love you, as a friend, but also I am hopelessly, deeply, and endlessly in love with you. Now please say it back or I’m going to be so embarrassed.” He finishes, closing his eyes, it’s quiet for a while before Minho speaks up.

“Jisung, please look at me.” Jisung reluctantly opens his eyes, to see Minho’s swimming with tears. “Of course I love you too, you dummy. I have been falling for you for so long, even when you were ignoring me. I tried to ignore it, because I thought you just saw me as a friend. But I couldn’t help falling for you."

"

You make me better, you bring me food even when I don’t ask, you bring me to bed when I’ve been in the practice room for hours and stress myself out. You’re so amazing, and I am so happy to have met such a wonderful boy as you. So yes, I am also hopelessly, deeply, and endlessly in love with you.” He teases.

Jisung breaks out into the biggest grin he can muster. Minho loves him and he loves Minho, the world has righted itself again.

“So does this mean you’ll be my boyfriend?” Jisung asks, cheekily. 

Minho shoves his shoulder and laughs, “I thought you'd never ask.” He replies and leans in to capture Jisung's lips again.

**Author's Note:**

> [5] Anyone else notice this entire fic took place at night? Thanks for reading!


End file.
